It was our son Paul’s 40th birthday last week, so naturally we had a ‘bash’! Paul is our eldest child and is adopted – he also has Down’s Syndrome. At this landmark point in his life I thought it would be good to share our story. There were four events than happened one after the other over a period of twelve months or so.

Event 1 – The Book

It started the day before we moved from Leicester to Macclesfield. A friend from university happened to call round. He told us how he’d got involved with an organisation called Life which addressed issues around abortion. He recommended a book called ‘Whatever Happened to the Human Race’ by Francis Schaeffer, a Christian theologian, and C. Everett Koop, US Surgeon General. Interestingly, given the recent decision in the US on Roe vs Wade, this book is as relevant now as it was then.

We bought it as soon as we found the Christian book shop in Macclesfield, and read about the Christian response to abortion, euthanasia and infanticide. The closing chapter is titled ‘Our Personal Response and Social Action’. 

It led to two responses from us: firstly, it solidified our position on these matters, particularly on abortion; and secondly, we realised that knowing what we believe is not enough, we had to do something about it. ¹

Event 2 – My Mum

At the time, my mum was working as a community nurse, specifically supporting families of children with disabilities. We were increasingly aware of the need for ‘normal’ family environments, and even began to wonder if God was preparing us to have a child with a disability.

Event 3 – My Sister

But then my sister had her first child, who was born with Down’s Syndrome. There happened to be three other babies born with Down’s Syndrome at the same time – but she was the only one who took her baby home. That shocked us in two ways – we thought we were going to have a baby with Down’s Syndrome; but how terrible that these children were being abandoned.

We came to the view that if we are pro-life, then while that means a mother would have to go to full term and deliver the baby (and be fully supported in that), it does not follow that she should be obliged to keep the baby. There is a huge amount of work in this area: sex education, particularly biblical principles; teaching male responsibility in relationships; support for single pregnant women; support for mothers/parents particularly with disabilities; providing homes for children whose parents cannot support them for whatever reason; and more. Way too much for one person, but a church…?

There is criticism of those who are ‘pro-life’ that they only care for the unborn child, but not those who are born. I don’t believe that to be true, but maybe it signals that more needs to be done to demonstrate that it is not the case.

Event 4 – TV

The next thing to happen was a TV programme called ‘Be My Parent’. It highlighted the need for fostering and adoption of children who were hard to place, particularly older children, siblings and children with disabilities. 

We wrote off and found ourselves in Manchester discussing adoption (I never quite worked out how, but fostering didn’t seem to come up!). My wife Julie said, “Actually, we’re interested in adopting a child with Down’s Syndrome”, which summed up the place that God had brought us to. We thought that a really good outcome would be a child under three.

Adoption

The process of being approved for adoption is somewhat arduous (and nowhere near as much fun as the traditional method!) with interviews together and separately, visits, reports and so on – but we passed!

I remember it was a Tuesday evening when Mary, the social worker, came to tea. She told us of a baby who was 10 weeks old, with Down’s Syndrome, whose mother could not take him home and wanted him adopted. We went to see him a couple of days later, had a crash course on baby care (in increasing order of complexity: bathing, nappy-changing), a manic weekend gathering essential supplies (cot, bath, disposables), and brought him home a week later – together with a letter from the adoption agency saying we hadn’t stolen him in case the neighbours were worried. 

A week!

And from that day, Paul was ours. Part of our family. We entered two new worlds of being new parents and parents of a child with a disability.

That was 40 years ago. 

Since then

As with any child, there are highs and lows. Most of our lows have taken the form of battles, and those mostly with the ‘professionals’. But the highs have far outweighed the lows. We have very many stories of Paul, most of which will make you laugh (some will put you off your food!). He has a ready smile, loves banter, and knows everyone! ²

The issues involved in all of this are of course complex and every situation is unique. But I think a principle of choosing life over death has to be the right one, despite the cost. After all, that is exactly what God in Christ has done for us. John 5:24; Eph 2:4-5.

1. Space does not allow for all the issues and arguments here. If you’re interested there are some free resources that will be very helpful (of course, you could always buy the book!): https://www.ligonier.org/learn/articles/after-roe and https://www.crossway.org/articles/resources-related-to-abortion-and-the-sanctity-of-life/ [↩]
2. I have two unfulfilled challenges in Macclesfield – one is to drive along the Silk Road without any of the traffic lights turning red; the other is to walk through Macclesfield with Paul without someone recognising him. [↩]